May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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