Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
