just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
