Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
