You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
