he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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