My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
