So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize