i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You were trust falling into bushes
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
