I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
