bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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