the condom got lost in my hair
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
