Sponge bath it is.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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