mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
