I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
