Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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