OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just gargled with NyQuil
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
