He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
