I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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