Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
