currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize