Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize