To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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