no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
i out mim tonsoeep
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
