I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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