when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
