god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
