Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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