Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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