Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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