y did u give ur computer a hand job?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
