My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize