I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
