do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
