Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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