i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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