i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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