My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Randomize
