i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
So many bounce houses so little time
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
