Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
