I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
