even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
