so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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