Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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