I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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