OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
