Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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