Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
