I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
