Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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