I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
