Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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