I murdered the dance floor call the cops
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
