"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
