Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
