I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
