In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
