no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
she peed on how many people?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
