How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
