dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
two words...techno handjob
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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