i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Randomize
