There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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