Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I have feelings that need drinking.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
