I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Floor bacon is actually really good
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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