Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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