Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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