we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
