Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
