When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
