somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize