who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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