The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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