Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
