Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
