I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
