you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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