dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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