so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize