The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You dont lie about slip and slides
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
