I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
where are my eyebrows?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
