just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
