Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
