There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
