So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
