You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
