Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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