i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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